Day 3

Today was a super crazy day. I was running from one thing to the next, taking care of a MILLION people. At one point, I had 7 kids in the house, all under the age of 8!!! It wasn't until I got all my three kids in bed (and sent the other 4 to their respective houses thankfully) that I had a chance to breathe, let alone work out. Normally, it would have been a day that I'd give myself a free pass, curl up with the latest episode of whatever BBC costume drama I was watching, and just relax.

Today I kept the momentum, and the commitment I'd made to myself to change my habits, and I'm so proud of that. I had a smoothy for breakfast, simple rice and beans for lunch, and sweet potatoes and pasta for dinner. And I did my workout. Today was a victory for me, not because I deprived myself or tortured myself, but I stayed steady and trusted the slow changes that I know are happening.

Cheers to Day 3, and showing up even on crazy days. Because I really am worth taking care of my body and my health.

Day 2

Day 2 down. I am so ridiculously sore today. I'm hoping that tomorrow will be better for me working through the pain :). I had a hard time even lifting my leg for a few of the angles . . . I kind of limped my way through, but I'm glad that I did it.

I have set aside time after I take the kids to school for my workouts. By moving my workouts out of the family room and into my bedroom it has been easier because the kids aren't mad at me for taking over the TV or their play space :). They still come check on me, and today my middle boy even tried some leg lifts. It was pretty cute.

I've been using myfitnesspal to track my eating, and that has been a useful way for me to be accountable and make better choices. Today I had a great smoothy for lunch, some organic protein powder from Costco blended with organic kale and berries and water. No added sweetener, and I felt satisfied after.

Day 1

This is my story.

I was pretty normal until halfway through my 21st year. I didn't have to really watch what I ate, I enjoyed being active. I ran, hiked, and loved being outdoors with my family. Things changed in a big way for me when my knee suddenly started hurting really bad out of the blue. When I looked at it, it had swollen the size of a grapefruit. I was really confused, since I didn't remember doing anything to it. As the day progressed, the swelling, pain, and heat radiating from my joint grew worse, so I finally headed over to the ER. I was serving a mission for my church down in Galveston, TX, and over the next few weeks it became apparent that this wasn't a random bonk on a door or fleeting infection--I had an autoimmune disease that would need diagnosis, treatment, and lifestyle changes.

I cried a lot. Not just from the pain (which was significant) but because my life was thrown into chaos. Everything was put on hold. I came home from from my mission, school was out of the question, and I went back and forth from doctors and physical therapists who tried their best to help figure out what was going on and how to get the inflammation under control. After about a year, I was well enough to go back to university, but I had to take things easy and do my classes online while I did my physical therapy at my apartment, in case my body decided to completely rebel.

Anyone who has gone through treatment for major inflammation knows what prednisone does to your body. One of the most discouraging side effects is the weight gain. I was lucky, compared to some of the horror stories I'd heard I gained comparatively little--my normally 115-125 lb. frame got up to about 140. But for me it was still devastating. I counted calories and started practicing yoga, and very slowly my body returned to normal.

Flash forward ten years. I got married, and had three beautiful sons. With each pregnancy, I was severely ill all nine months. I lost weight most of my pregnancies, with my first I gained about 15 lbs (from 120-135) but after delivery when the constant nausea was gone and I started nursing, I couldn't lose the weight. With each successive pregnancy I would only gain about 8 pds, but had a horrible time recovering my strength and metabolism afterwards. My hunger signals and relationship with food was so screwed up, I started feeling pretty hopeless and depressed.

I'm now heavier than I have ever been. At 165, I weigh more than I did the day I walked in the hospital with my third son. More than the shame at how I look, I hate how I feel. I know it's not good for my joints to carry around the extra weight. I want to be healthy. I started this blog to help me track my progress, and make me accountable for the choices I make each day, whether to exercise or not.

I love Tracy Anderson's philosophy on body image and wellness--and something that I've seen her say a lot is that we need to "show up for ourselves" each day. That exercise should be something we enjoy, and a chance to do something good emotionally, physically, and even spiritually for ourselves. The connection and stress relief is something I need as a crazed mom of 3 boys.

So here I am, showing up for myself.  Day 1.